CLOWN REVIEWS BLOG

ACRYLIC NAILS ON A LOG

July 25, 2026





Last week, on Monday, I was working from home. The day was a true grind;  I was feeling terrible after the wildfire smoke that settled over NYC during the weekend. By the afternoon, I needed a snack, sort of mostly to distract myself from work. I looked around at what I had on hand. I decided to make a play on a snack I know of but had never eaten before, ants on a log. I did not grow up in an ants-on-a-log house, or even a house where there was an expectation that a snack would be prepared for me, so this idea seemed funny and novel to me. And while I did not have “ants,” I did have “acrylic nails.” 

Making acrylic nails on a log was laborious and messy; I really don’t know why people are making this for their kids. I got peanut butter all over my fingers, and positioning all the acrylic nails (almond slivers) on the logs was excruciating. I had a few blueberries in the fridge, so I threw them on there too. It took longer than expected, and although probably placing ants on a log is faster than acrylic nails, it must take a while. Long enough for me to think about what it really meant to make ants on a log.

As I was placing nail after nail onto the logs, I pictured a long line of housewives of middle America alone in their kitchens, silently placing raisins on celery sticks. In my sublet apartment, this performance of hyper domesticity felt saccharine and absurd. But through my alienation, I was transported into the shoes of these women. The mothers of ants on a log. Our labor–chopping celery, peanut buttering, placing ants, biting back tears–our singular desire for order, praying our screaming children would just stop crying and eat this healthy snack.

But my singular desire for order was quelled by my delight in seeing how amazing my creations looked. They were crazy, resembling rows of teeth,  a ribcage dried in the desert, a piece of celery with peanut butter that fell on the ground, a long knobby finger. Unfortunately,  actually eating the acrylic nails on a log was a letdown. This snack was less than the sum of its parts. Without those sweet ants, there was nothing to offset the bitterness of the celery, and the acrylic nails were entirely for show. They added nothing flavor-wise and got completely overpowered by the peanut butter. Luckily, my sublet roommate had some dried cherries, and so we put them on with the acrylic nails. The TEK of housewives, the dried fruit was essential on the log. It greatly improved the snack. My acrylic nails on a log became acrylic nails and beetles on a log. This iteration, a sort of nouveau trad hipster take on the ants on a log, was actually good.

Overall, I did enjoy eating the acrylic nails on a log after introducing beetles to the ecosystem of the log. But I probably will never make this snack again. It seemed sad to me. This snack, referential to nature and devoid of rootedness in any food tradition. A bleached and domestic attempt to stop kids from being hungry and trick them into eating something healthy. At the same time, I must honor the delicate balance of the bitterness, fattiness, and sweetness that the true ants on a log must have, and for that I nod to my sisters, the mothers of ants on a log.


Accessibility: Somewhat, peanut butter and celery yes, but the acrylic nails are actually a little pricey 

Would I recommend: Probably not

Who should you enjoy this with: Your Sublet roommate, idk we had fun eating this  


This was me: ︎︎.︎

Rating: ︎︎

ALI’S TRINBAGO ROTI SHOP (VEGETARIAN BUSS UP) 

July 10, 2026

 




This week, after visiting family, I started staying in my July sublet, which is a few blocks away from Ali’s Trinbago Roti Shop. When I arrived after my 7-hour train ride from VT, I did not have the energy to make dinner, so I went to Ali’s for my favorite food… doubles. I got two chana doubles, $2 each, and the vegetarian buss up dinner, which was a huge plate of cooked vegetables and probably four people’s worth of paratha, for $14. I was so hungry when I got this food, and it was so delicious. The doubles were solid; they had a good, slightly spicy tamarind sauce, and the chana was super tasty. I still cannot believe that each one costs $2….in this economy!


But the Vegetarian dinner….I expected it to be good, but I was not ready for this level of deliciousness. First of all, the portion!! I ate this for dinner three nights in a row, which is just wild, and each night I was like, okay, there is no way it was that good; I was just really hungry––but it kept being that good every night…. Which leads me to the second and most important point, the food… it came with curried potatoes, chana, pumpkin, cooked spinach, and cabbage, which was maybe slightly pickled? Idk, it had some crunch and was amazing. The vegetables were so good, each cooked perfectly and with distinct flavors. And the bus up shot, or paratha, was just very delicious, fresh, and again a massive portion. The buss up is a fried bread, so it was very oily;  it's not something I could eat every day, but it was so, so good. I would probably get the rice next time and have the buss up for more of a treat.

Overall, I loved this food, and I will be going back. Even though I was eating out of the takeout container, it felt like almost a home-cooked meal. (Trinciti still has the edge on the doubles though....)



Accessibility: Very accessible, so affordable, wow. 

Would I recommend: Highly recommend this place!! It’s amazing, it’s halal, it’s cash-only, and the food comes out super fast.

Who should you enjoy this with: Everyone, and  for your gluten-free friends, they can get the rice instead of the buss up


This was me: ︎︎︎︎︎

Rating: ︎︎︎︎︎