CLOWN REVIEWS BLOG

THE EXPERIENCE OF WORKING AT MY DESK AND WISHING IT WAS SUMMER AND IT WAS EVENING AND IT WAS HOT OUT AND I AM CROSSING THE STREET TO GET TO LEFT-HAND PATH

February 7, 2026




Sometimes I remember and long for my old life in New York, usually on days when I’m working in the library, and there is no end in sight, and its so cold out, and what I’m doing feels so disconnected from my life. I daydream the feeling of going somewhere. Its like a giant paintbrush covers me in it and I’m there, but I'm yearning to be there. Tipsy and smiling in the backseat of an Uber after dinner with Kathleen, on the uptown train writing a birthday card and putting on lip gloss, rushing home to get ready to go out. I squeeze.

Today, my feeling was, summer 2022, getting off my shift from the wine bar in the evening, heading around the corner to another bar to meet someone, it was humid, I loved it. I was about to cross Wycoff Avenue. I wasn’t thinking about where I was going. I just felt satisfied and exhausted, the end of a long day on my feet. The streets are green, the sky is purple, the skyline still barely yellow. There are people out, but I can’t hear them. I’m going to catch up with someone who I love, who is also sticky and hot from a long day. We will talk shit and laugh, resting in understanding. I am looking both ways and thinking about finding a seat at the bar and getting a drink.


Here, it's dark out. The river is frozen. I am sitting. Still headed somewhere I need to go. 


Accessibility: Highly inaccessible, this exact experience is pretty much only available to me, but I’m sure you have a version, I’d love to hear about it. 

Would I recommend: I would recommend this feeling, thinking about a hot summer night on a -3 degree day in VT will warm you up.

Who should you enjoy this with: yourself and your pastself

This was me: ︎.︎

Rating: ︎︎︎︎︎

ROOT BEER & PIZZA

SEPTEMBER 22, 2023



Its Friday night, I’ve had a crazy week, I’m on my way home from an incredible climate panel discussion and I know exactly where I’m headed,, its Tony’s pizza in Bushwick — I’ve got a perfect couple on my mind, root beer && pizza. Though Tony’s doesn’t have my fave kind of pie, square — preferably grandma, they have a pretty solid NY slice so I go for that and the ubiquitous A&W root beer.

The pizza is super cheesy and heavy but the sweetness and slight brightness of the root beer kind of cuts how oily the pizza is. TBH both are kind of mid individually, but together they are fabulous.

Having this perfect pair tn is bringing me back to many Friday nights on my dad’s weekend, when he would would get my siblings & I from my mom’s house && drive us to one of the most iconic Rhode Island pizza institutions, Twin’s in North Providence. The place where my devotion to the root beer pizza pairing began. 

At Twins we always ate in the restaurant, in a booth, in the non smoking section, & ordered the same thing, - a half cheese half pepperoni pizza, medium well done and a pitcher of root beer. The light was low and the dishes they brought to the table were always warm. We would poke at the fake plants and dark wood paneling, we’d draw in my dad’s sketchbook and all over the ad’s on the paper placemats, turning every real estate agent into a vampire. We laughted, talked and attempted stealthiness shooting straw sleeves at eachother.

The pizza was so good, being there felt like belonging. We were going though a lot at that time but the sweetness of the rootbeer helped cut the heaviness of it all.


Accessibility: Very!!! even in NYC this combo cost me only $4, and you can get it anywhere 

Would I recommend: of course…..and furthermore if you ever have the chance to go to twins please do I barely scratched the surface of how amazing and crazy this place is and the pizza is so fucking good

Who should you enjoy this with: Anybody who loves life

This was me: ︎︎

Rating: ︎︎︎︎

GRIMACE BIRTHDAY SHAKE

JUNE 19, 2023





I first heard about the Grimace birthday shake from an ad when I was watching hulu & despite my hate of McDonalds as a company, Grimace is cute and I thought the idea was actually cute. I would not have gone out of my way to buy the shake, but my brother and I were a rest stop on our way to see family and we got got by their McMarketing ploy. 

The flavor of this shake was the the color of this shake — essence of pastel purple. I wanted to love it but,,, I really didnt like it at all. It tasted a little like blueberries, a little like candy and a little like vanilla ice cream, it wasn’t working for me. The taste was an uncanny valley of blueberry smoothie and McDonaldsLandia Purple flavor TM. 
Dont get me wrong, I love blueberries,,  but the artificial/not so artificial blueberry flavor in the Grimace birthday shake was so out of place to me. Blueberries taste like health and earth and end of summer and this is just not what you come to McDonald’s for. As uninteresting as it would be they would have been better off opting for the obvious, “cake batter flavor” with purple flair.

To be honest with you readers,,, my hope was that the taste of this shake would bring me into the fantasy of what it would feel like to be Grimace’s friend, to be blasted into memory of Grimace’s bowling party or 4th grade sleepover. What does Grimace’s house look like, what would his Birthday cake look like? Where is grimace from? Is it a place with a lot of blueberries???? This shake did not deliver, ther was nothing about this taste that said birthday, or Grimace,  I really didn’t find it festive in any way......, it was just kind of puzzling & purple tasting. Perhaps I’m projecting my human ideas birthday flavors on this McMonster,, or maybe I just believe Grimace deserves better...

Despite my dissapointment I do hope Grimace’s numbers are good enough that he gets to have a birthday next year though, HBD Grimace.


Accessibility: McDonald’s is everywhere so its easy to find but the shake costs 6.50 I think? and this seems pretty steep given the product… you could get some bougie, high end, organic, sustainable, fairtrade ass ice cream for this price.

Would I recommend: No save your coins

Who should you enjoy this with: idk nobody,,,,, but you should read this book about the history of Mcdonalds and their targetting of black americans in“Franchise; The Golden Arches in Black America” by Marcia Chatelain

This was me: ︎︎

Rating: ︎︎

NOT TOO LATE 
Edited by; Rebecca Solnit and Thelma Young Lutunatabua

MAY 31, 2023





This book is a great place to start if you’re worried about climate change and you feel like ….. it’s too late! The book takes the form of essays and conversations, the contributors are activists, scientists, organizers and historians, all who’s work and passion is climate justice.

The title is apt and is summed up in this quote from one of the last essays of the book;
"If you're worried that it's too late to do anything about climate change and we should all just give up, I have great news for you: that day is not coming in your lifetime. As long as you have breath in your body, you will have work to do." Mary Annaïse Heglar

This book does run into an issue that I’ve seen in several other books that take this form however, at times it is very general and repetitive. Having many contributors that all agree about the same issue is great but can lead to a lot of overlap.


These are some of the essays that stuck with me; 

• To Hell With Drowning - Julian Agunon
  
• From the Hunger Strike With Love - Nikayla Jefferson
  
• The Asteroid and the Fern - Jacquelin Gill (this one was very intense for me and made me feel at once completely grounded and resolute in my fight for climate justice while also having a near total existential panic and made me contend with a sense of nihilism, I was also in a strange mental space when I read it so maybe this wouldn’t be your experience)
• Imagination is a Muscle - a conversation with adrienne maree brown and the editors
  

At this point I have read a handful of books sort of like this and something that I appreciated in this book was hearing from Pacific Islander organizers and activists. These are some of the most frontline communities when it comes to suffering horrific affects of the climate catastrophe (like the literal loss of their homelands) and their voices are too frequently left out of these conversations.

This book also included two fictional essays written from the perspective of people living in a future where humanity fought the fossil fuel industry and turned the tides of climate catastrophe. I found these essays a bit forced and I didn’t love them as pieces of writing but the fact that they exist matters to me. The narrative that we must and will succumb to the wills and evils wrought by the fossil fuel industry is deep. This “crisis of story telling” will take so much undoing to allow people to imagine a world without violet resource extraction. It will take more storytelling and rewriting to show people that this world, this future is not one of lack & of incredible sacrifice but instead one of plenty, abundance of the beautiful things and of the things necessary for life, clean air, water, good food, community ect. ! For this reason I’m really glad these essays are included and I hope they inspire more people to write of this future.



Accessibility: Fairly accessible, I know the Brooklyn Public library has a copy, its also avalible for purchase online for between $6-$15, if you dont fee like reading the book you can also visit the website it simply provides resources for how anyone can learn more and get involved in the flight for climate justice. Also if you live near me I can lend you my copy

Would I recommend: Definetly if you care about this issue and want to learn more, probably wouldn’t reccomend it to someone who is in this world already though

Who should you enjoy this with: Enjoy this book with a friend or family member who also cares about this issue, start a book club, join an activist org then write a really good complex novel about a beautiful future free from fossil fuels 

This was me: ︎︎︎


Rating: ︎︎︎.5

THE CLOUD I SAW A FEW DAYS AGO

MAY 2 2023



 
I saw this cloud as I was heading home from yoga. I was dazed and in my head && was about to turn the corner on to my street when I looked up and saw it there. Immediately I liked everything about this cloud, the line of shadow at the bottom, its split edge on the right side, its very slow pace, all so charming to me. I stood there taking a few photos and watching, though nothing could capture the humor and optimism of this cloud. 


The left side,  thinner & longer than the right looked like it was leading the rest of the cloud, leading the slow race, it could have even been trying to seperate from the rest. I stood there a while watching and it never split off, the right side followed, reaching behind like a lobster claw or an open mouth.

My neighbors looked up toward the cloud as they walked by me watching. I wonder if they saw the lobster claw reaching into the sky,, I wonder if someone else down the road saw the claw close, the mouth fed.


Accessibility: I hope it is very accessible, i hope everyone has seen this cloud -- its not impossible! 

Would I recommend: Yes I really recommend

Who should you enjoy this with: If you see this cloud enjoy it with me, send me a picture tell me about it. I sent a picture to my dad and a few friends who I thought would get it, everyone said they liked the cloud.

This was me: ︎︎︎︎︎︎︎


Rating: ︎︎︎︎︎︎︎︎︎︎︎︎︎