CLOWN REVIEWS BLOG

12OZ CERAMIC-LINED FELLOW WIDE MOUTH TRAVEL MUG IN MATTE WHITE 

March 24, 2026

Babes, I did know what I had, and then it was gone--the 12oz ceramic-lined Fellow wide mouth travel mug in matte white. I bought this mug because I wanted a travel mug without a plastic lid to avoid microplastics. I’m telling you, it was love at first sip.  ;) This mug keeps things warm for a long time, and I could put tea or coffee in it without any residual flavors or metallic taste. The wide-mouth design also made it perfect for multiple uses, such as beverages, oatmeal transport, and snacks. It even has a sleek sort of egg-shaped look, which I love, and is emphasized by the Matte White color of my mug. The mug also had a nice flat lid, which I put a sticker from my favorite coffee shop on.

There were only two issues with this mug: first, the vacuum seal wasn't perfect, so I couldn’t just throw it in my bag. Second, it is too big for a car cupholder. But, I am not without imperfection, so I do not expect perfection from the people or objects that surround me!!!


Today, I took a break from studying and went to get a cortado and commune with the river... While sitting on my favorite rock, my beloved 12oz ceramic-lined Fellow wide mouth travel mug in matte white (and cortado) fell out of my pocket and floated away. Due to my love for this mug and my guilt about littering, I chased it down. I tried to rescue my Fellow mug with long branches and verbalized pleading to the river. It didn't work. Eventually, I gave up and watched it float away. I waved it goodbye and bought the same exact mug.



Accessibility: Medium, it's a $30 mug, which is not cheap, but I do think very much worth it

Would I recommend: Yes 

Who should you enjoy this with: Anyone who is scared of microplastics and likes to bring their own coffee around

This was me: ︎

Rating: ︎︎︎︎︎

CLASSPASS EMAILS  

February 24, 2026



These emails…..standard issue clickbait, and they finally got me. The single opened email subject: “You are late.” Well, I am usually late, and I’m always worried about being late. ClassPass preyed on me and all other late people, and I fell into their trap...

The ClassPass siren scam song lures readers into using the free trial. Each email subject line’s tone is a masterclass in balancing guilt-tripping with the reveal of a little-known secret. Additionally, they employ the most stressful possible emojis to make you question why you won’t and haven’t signed up for the free month.

But I’ve signed up for the free month…..many times….I abused this free trial throughout my 20s, taking as many free workout classes as possible. The ClassPass free trial has dragged me to some of the darkest corners of humanity: knockoff SoulCycle classes in the basements of buildings in the Financial District of NYC, and reformer Pilates classes in London, complete with an “Ohm,” a Dua Lipa soundtrack, and shavasana. 

But still, confronted with “⚠️🚨⏰😬👀,” I shudder... && question why I am not attending a core power class right now... touché, ClassPass. Looking back through these emails, I have to admit this is an effective and evil showing from ClassPass. And how they got my law school email, I will never know.


Accessibility: Idk, I feel like this is very accessible but maybe only like women of a certain age are being bombarded by these emails??

Would I recommend: no, it really does make me sad to be a constant target of corporate financial extraction attempts. Opening this email genuinely sparked reflection and a more concerted effort towards greater digital security.  

Who should you enjoy this with: N/A

This was me: ︎︎

Rating: ︎-

THE EXPERIENCE OF WORKING AT MY DESK AND WISHING IT WAS SUMMER AND IT WAS EVENING AND IT WAS HOT OUT AND I AM CROSSING THE STREET TO GET TO LEFT-HAND PATH 

February 7, 2026




Sometimes I remember and long for my old life in New York, usually on days when I’m working in the library, and there is no end in sight, and its so cold out, and what I’m doing feels so disconnected from my life. I daydream the feeling of going somewhere. Its like a giant paintbrush covers me in it and I’m there but I'm yearning to be there. Tipsy and smiling in the backseat of an Uber after dinner with Kathleen, on the uptown train writing a birthday card and putting on lip gloss, rushing home to get ready to go out. I squeeze.

Today, my feeling was, summer 2022, getting off my shift from the wine bar in the evening, heading around the corner to another bar to meet someone, it was humid, I loved it. I was about to cross Wycoff Avenue. I wasn’t thinking about where I was going. I just felt satisfied and exhausted, the end of a long day on my feet. The streets are green, the sky is purple, the skyline still barely yellow. There are people out, but I can’t hear them. I’m going to catch up with someone who I love, who is also sticky and hot from a long day. We will talk shit and laugh, resting in understanding. I am looking both ways and thinking about finding a seat at the bar and getting a drink.


Here, it's dark out. The river is frozen. I am sitting. Still headed somewhere I need to go. 


Accessibility: Highly inaccessible, this exact experience is pretty much only available to me, but I’m sure you have a version, I’d love to hear about it. 

Would I recommend: I would recommend this feeling, thinking about a hot summer night on a -3 degree day in VT will warm you up.

Who should you enjoy this with: yourself and your pastself

This was me: ︎.︎

Rating: ︎︎︎︎︎

ROOT BEER & PIZZA

SEPTEMBER 22, 2023



Its Friday night, I’ve had a crazy week, I’m on my way home from an incredible climate panel discussion and I know exactly where I’m headed,, its Tony’s pizza in Bushwick — I’ve got a perfect couple on my mind, root beer && pizza. Though Tony’s doesn’t have my fave kind of pie, square — preferably grandma, they have a pretty solid NY slice so I go for that and the ubiquitous A&W root beer.

The pizza is super cheesy and heavy but the sweetness and slight brightness of the root beer kind of cuts how oily the pizza is. TBH both are kind of mid individually, but together they are fabulous.

Having this perfect pair tn is bringing me back to many Friday nights on my dad’s weekend, when he would would get my siblings & I from my mom’s house && drive us to one of the most iconic Rhode Island pizza institutions, Twin’s in North Providence. The place where my devotion to the root beer pizza pairing began. 

At Twins we always ate in the restaurant, in a booth, in the non smoking section, & ordered the same thing, - a half cheese half pepperoni pizza, medium well done and a pitcher of root beer. The light was low and the dishes they brought to the table were always warm. We would poke at the fake plants and dark wood paneling, we’d draw in my dad’s sketchbook and all over the ad’s on the paper placemats, turning every real estate agent into a vampire. We laughted, talked and attempted stealthiness shooting straw sleeves at eachother.

The pizza was so good, being there felt like belonging. We were going though a lot at that time but the sweetness of the rootbeer helped cut the heaviness of it all.


Accessibility: Very!!! even in NYC this combo cost me only $4, and you can get it anywhere 

Would I recommend: of course…..and furthermore if you ever have the chance to go to twins please do I barely scratched the surface of how amazing and crazy this place is and the pizza is so fucking good

Who should you enjoy this with: Anybody who loves life

This was me: ︎︎

Rating: ︎︎︎︎

GRIMACE BIRTHDAY SHAKE

JUNE 19, 2023





I first heard about the Grimace birthday shake from an ad when I was watching hulu & despite my hate of McDonalds as a company, Grimace is cute and I thought the idea was actually cute. I would not have gone out of my way to buy the shake, but my brother and I were a rest stop on our way to see family and we got got by their McMarketing ploy. 

The flavor of this shake was the the color of this shake — essence of pastel purple. I wanted to love it but,,, I really didnt like it at all. It tasted a little like blueberries, a little like candy and a little like vanilla ice cream, it wasn’t working for me. The taste was an uncanny valley of blueberry smoothie and McDonaldsLandia Purple flavor TM. 
Dont get me wrong, I love blueberries,,  but the artificial/not so artificial blueberry flavor in the Grimace birthday shake was so out of place to me. Blueberries taste like health and earth and end of summer and this is just not what you come to McDonald’s for. As uninteresting as it would be they would have been better off opting for the obvious, “cake batter flavor” with purple flair.

To be honest with you readers,,, my hope was that the taste of this shake would bring me into the fantasy of what it would feel like to be Grimace’s friend, to be blasted into memory of Grimace’s bowling party or 4th grade sleepover. What does Grimace’s house look like, what would his Birthday cake look like? Where is grimace from? Is it a place with a lot of blueberries???? This shake did not deliver, ther was nothing about this taste that said birthday, or Grimace,  I really didn’t find it festive in any way......, it was just kind of puzzling & purple tasting. Perhaps I’m projecting my human ideas birthday flavors on this McMonster,, or maybe I just believe Grimace deserves better...

Despite my dissapointment I do hope Grimace’s numbers are good enough that he gets to have a birthday next year though, HBD Grimace.


Accessibility: McDonald’s is everywhere so its easy to find but the shake costs 6.50 I think? and this seems pretty steep given the product… you could get some bougie, high end, organic, sustainable, fairtrade ass ice cream for this price.

Would I recommend: No save your coins

Who should you enjoy this with: idk nobody,,,,, but you should read this book about the history of Mcdonalds and their targetting of black americans in“Franchise; The Golden Arches in Black America” by Marcia Chatelain

This was me: ︎︎

Rating: ︎︎